New Neighborhood or New Stress

New neighborhood "on my mind" mean new lesson and new adventure. That will be nice if I keep my mind still positive face all this life lately. If not, that will be new stress.But there are weak point to be a girl like me, even I try so hard to keep it still positive. I will lose against myself, and I feel negative turned on. And I will stress and crazy for a time I cannot predict.

Stress in life will take more than a half of your mind. And I'm pretty sure that will take a half of my energy as well. Because I do! And what I do just eat a lot as always " indicate of stress". But I like it, because it mean new story which I can share with who you are over there read this now. I'm still say that I like be stress or crazy sometime. Why not, if you never have that your life is so boring, haha.

So! What do you think about come to new neighborhood?

Like first time I came to my first job, all is new in front of me, include new stress for sure. Because I never had experience before, they think they can do better than me and I'm still zero. At the time I feel alone because only me the fresh graduated there. All new staff have experience even in other field and even a month. They say that is better that no experience. But I'm not agree with their opinion, I'm sure I can do better. I just have to prove it to all. And I think you can see now, so never judge person if you not ever know them yet. Another case is when came to my second job, my job right now. Haha, for sure new stress, at all case just want you to stay patient in life.

I wonder with people who often move, like every year come to new school and new friend. Sometime I wanna have that case, but I don't have it. I have other story but still kind of stress of new neighorhood. We create to be adaptable with such of neighborhood and environment.

Enjoy Myself Alone

It sound desperate when I decided to write this title. I have a lot of friends, yes I have them "I think you will read this, dear my friends in everywhere in the world". I'm not desperate though, because I'm still doing something to spend my time with myself! Listening music, playing game "sometime make addicted", read a book "just if I want" look like I don't like to read ahahha, but sometime reading also make me addicted, write something, drawing, and still many things to do even no plan. I count cleaning my room too! I feel so messy as girl who have a room alone. I don't like to share my room. If I share it, I will think twice to make it messy again hahaha. Cool reason huh!

That will so enjoyable when outside sunny. I can open my door and open curtain of the window to let all sunshine come into my room. I turn on the music, singing "with my horrible voice, don't u ever wonder of my voice? Haha, everybody can sing!" and sometime a bit dance. Alone is not even worse! I enjoy it at the moment. At the moment, noticed!

I'm forget to include chat with friends on phone with some social networking media.

I go somewhere alone as well. I say that I go with my lovely motorbike, I'm not alone. I just go around like count km on speedometer. Counting road, building, people, beach. But I'm still bad be guide for other. I just can be good guide for myself. I will never lose my way even I will rid long way. Sometime I drop to someplace to look forward something to do without plan on the book. Sometime only take some photo, I will take many photos even with phone camera for right now. I just cannot imagine if I have my dream camera soon. I will so happy enjoy my day alone, if I don't need someone being my model on the photo shoot. Sound I gonna be a professional photographer. Hahaha!

What I like is to go around at the night till late night. I was enjoying my eyes on the low light, counting the bulb. That is opposite with I do at my room in the afternoon with full of sunshine. That is like black and white in live, I like to enjoy both with different feeling and different meaning.

If I read what I do with my day with no plan alone. That still hope on my life, because I'm still enjoy it till now! I agree with Ariel Leve on her book "It Could Be Worse, You Could Be Me" no plan not mean nothing to do. So like me I can suddenly have something to do with myself alone.

ENVY

What do you think about this word? ENVY

On my way to work place I just found this word on the road. Do you think that is true? I found it on the road! Like maple leaf scattered on the road!

I have a lot of perception that maybe you have on your mind as well. Just to figure out what I can say with envy. What I can think with envy. What I can do with envy. And of course what should I do with envy.

I realize that I often have this word in my life. Envy with other life? of course this is happen!

Envy is only a word but if it become jealous that will ruin your mind. But for me, envy is not only the word. it still rob my brain like zombie "though I know zombie".

I want a lot of things in life, for example : I want to travel around the world "not only me want this", but that cost  money! And  the fact is I'm not rich enough now to make it true right now. What relate with envy here, when I see other can have that all! of course make me envy.

That is only one example, but I have a lot of it. So, the simple thing make me envy too. Is that too dramatic? of course no! I try to be honest with my life. With all fact in front of my point of view.

Only me can help myself with this problem. I'm the doctor for myself. I'm sick because of envy, and only me know the right cure of it. What I want to say here, you should know who really you are! If you know that, you can play with yourself.

Why You Back To Write? – Part 2

I’m here again to write, I prove myself I’m back to write again. But this is still new spirit, so no wonder for me. If the spirit become less and if I cannot bring back my full spirit to write. It will same, I will go away from here for a while. And I don’t know when I will back here to write.

For me, I’m here just pretend like writers or journalist. So, I pretend to be cool. To prove myself “So do you think you can write?” Yes I do!.  

What I write here just bla bla bla which pass over my mind. So I’m pretty smart to write all topics, because I knew myself! I can write with my opinion. So I have my own style and no one needs to come and do editing. Maybe I need editing if I publish this into a book, not maybe but yes I need it. As you know what we need for printing. But now you can see what I do here for free.

I have a lots document of my writing. Some of them till the end, and some other still hanging or we can say “to be continue”. And what I write is depends on my mood and also the situation around. And I think many people have the same like me. Not many but only some of them. 

This is same if we want to understand what is that the meaning inside of a poems. We need to see the background of the poet, the time when the poem made, some point of view and many things other. So you will understand more clearly.

Why You Back To Write? – Part 1

It been long time not here, sometime make me miss to put my fingers on the keyboard. Write something which running so fast on my mind. Please never put black space on my mind “my wish”, even will come pretty short each one day.

Today I’m on the club near the beach at my work place with some crazy people who I think still new friends I keep in touch nowadays. Just make believe (I really like to write this “make believe” words) that you will have new story in your life anytime you come to new neighborhood. My old life still around when I’m there.  The old friends still there and they will never be ex friends even far away, just my story longer than before and still without ending. 

I’m back here to write about what on my mind after I read my life till the time I write the words. If I’m the journalist or writer, I’m sure I will often write here. But because I am not! So I’m seldom here or maybe rare is the perfect word to describe me here. 

But because I like to write too, so I’m back. Every time I’m back here, I’m sure I will here pretty often to write. But just see what will happen next!  Will same like before or I make progress with my word here like promise to myself.

Tanpa Judul

Ketika siang menyapa iya tak pernah hendak menoleh pada pagi yang telah pergi dengan sungging senyum yang tak pernah lepas. Iya hanya menatap pada malam yang selalu menjadi mimpi dengan gemerlap bintang yang terkadang iya sendiri tak sadar akan panasnya siang dikala ia datang. Pagi yang mendung membuat siang enggan pula memampakkan surya dan malam kian gelap tanpa bintang.

Puisi senja datang kala mentari jingga tertawa menatap horison yang kian dekat dengan pelupuk matanya. Bulan yang masih nampak di birunya langit seakan jemu dan tak ada gairah tuk tertawa karena malam tak kian menatap dengan bangga.

Hidup bagai apalah yang mebuat kamu terkadang malah sering menyalahkan akan hidup yang kau alami sekarang. Tidakkah kau sadar yang telah membuatmu mambangun perilaku dan hidupmu saat ini adalah dirimu sendiri. Untuk mengingat semua itu sekeliling kacapun menatapmu. Menatap dengan kilau yang menampakkan jalas segala raut wajah dan lekuk tubuhmu. Janganlah kau salahkan orang lain atas semua, ingatlah semua yang mebentukmu adalah komunikasi yang selama ini kau perankan walaupun itu tak sengaja kau lakukan.

Pernahkah kau rasa kau hanya sendiri hidup di dunia ini. Itu adalah pikiran yang kian jelas ada pada seseorang yang merasa belum mampu mengatur emosi dirinya dan karena iya merasa iya tak bisa hidup sendiri di sini walaupun tampak ia kuat dihadapanmu. Senyum yang ada di raut wajah tak berarti senyum gembira yang datang dari aliran sumsum tulang belakangnya. Sadar atau tidak kau hanya menyangkal apa yang ada diotak dan perasaanmu. Dan ketika kau melangkah sendiri kau apa semakin tahu jika kau hanya berpura-pura.

Apa yang tak pernah disadari akan muncul semakin jelas dan tak berarti apa-apa jika kau tak pernah memaknai apa yang pernah ada walau hanya sekecil bulir pasir di pantai.

11/11/11

Wah Sekarang Tanggal 11 November 2011, Semua pada rame dengan tanggal ini, eh ternnyata gak semua ya tapi beberapa orang. Katannya sih tanggal bagus karena angkannya 11 11 11. Tapi aku gak tahu, apa ada hal bagus lainnya ya? Selain angka yang tampak simetris ini! Tanda tanya!

I wanna be pride of you, I don’t wanna disappoint you

“Now, especially this day.
I wanna cry, scream, mad!!! ohh really chaos. Yeah chaos (same as maintitle of my thesis! Hahahahha lol ). I have been afraid about my thesis T,T , thesis deadline and more other, hahahhaaha (hemmmmmmm, I should cry about that. No no no no, better laugh maybe wakakakakakaka). I have been sick too (poor thing T,T). I got fever, headache, influenza. Complicated!!!
Be shame, I don’t finish my bachelor of science yet. Oh, what’s a pity of me!!! It coz I’m a lazy person (lol, that is normal, I guess), I’m not in my hobby (we will better in our hobbies), I’m feel bored inside (hahahha, sound normal huh!), I’m.... . I’m not a perfect person(no idea about that coz nobody is perfact).”

Hahaha... I said like that maybe a month ago. But now I’m still feeling sad, not better than before. hufh I’m tired for all my routine now. I know ONE reason why I feel bored everyday, yeah I’m sure about this. But I can’t write it here, I will keep it secret only for me. Coz.... hahaha, coz what?? Hmm(thinking)
OK.. that is another reason I can write here. Yeah I have finished my final exam. I mean, I finished to report my thesis and I do my best there. Now I’m still waiting my graduation come. Before that, I have to collect some graduate requirement soon. Yeah.... I’m still arfaid about that coz I have not get several of those yet. OMG.... I’m still chaos, hahaha, T,T. Ohh... I hope I can do it and got my best in the future. Yeah... really hope it [-O< I don’t wanna be a loser.
When it will end?? X(

Tugas Akhir! Skripsi! Bikin stress gak sih???#

hufh... :'(
Tugas akhir??? Skripsi??? apa yang terlintas dibenakmu kalo dengar kata-kata ini. Yup kalo aku, yang pertama bikin stress (yah karena itu sedang terjadi padaku saat ini, hikss hikss, huwaaaaa). Pokoknya semangat dan males sering datang bergantian. Yang pasti bikin stress pokoknya.

Kalo sudah stress, apa sih yang paling sering dilakuin??? pertama pastinya menghibur diri lah! Seperti apa tuh menghibur dirinya??? banyak banget, yang pertama dan harus, yaitu musik!!! Yah dengarin musik pastinya sambil nyanyi-nyayi gak karuan keras-keras walopun asli suaranya sumbang habis-habisan, hehehehe! Pelampiasan tuh namanya. Tapi apa itu cukup mengobati, pastinya tidak terlalu. Apa lagi yah, pastinya banyak nyamil (disini gak bikin gendut lo, walopun makan banyak-banyak coz semua lari kepikiran yang lagi kacau kayaknya, hemmmmm).

Kamu-kamu apa punya cara yang lebih ampuh?? hah?

Hal Ini Nyata

Hidup dalam alam nyata tak membuat yaliku ciut untuk menatap lebih dalam kehidupan yang tak bersahabat. Tak kan ada artinya sesuatu yang kita rasakan jikia itu hanya untuk diri kita sendiri saja. Harusnya kita sadar tak ada yang indah tanpa hadirnya orang lain dalam hiduh ini. Untuk berbagi cahaya dalam kehidupan yang hanya sakali ini. Tak tau harus melakukan apa adalah kesalahn terbesa dalam melangkah menatap kedepan. Pemilihan langkah dengan keyakinan tak kan selamannya menbingungkan karena itu adalah teka-teki yang akan menghasilkan jawaban yang tak kan terduga sebelumnya.

Jika kita dapat menjalani ini dengan tanpa suatu karaguan akankah menjadikan semua menjadi lebih mudah? Tidak ..tidak begitu saja hidup ini akan berlalu, apapun yang ada dalam pikiran kita akan menghiasinya dengan cerita-cerita pendek yang semakin nyata.
Kebingungan sekian waktu terus menggerogoti pikiran membuat setiap urat syaraf menegang hingga serasa tak ada sesuatau yang benar. Ada! Harusnya ada adalah kata yang tepat dalam setiap penulisan ini. Tak perna cerita itu hadir dengan sendirinya tanpa adanya pemikiran terlebih dahulu.